It's Alive!

Following days of concern and rumour over the strange developments underneath the Valley’s giant East Terrace, work has now stopped and all attempts to move or open the exposed relic casket have now been abandoned.
The scientific team released the following statement last night after 36 hours of intense activity:

“After much speculation we can confirm through the use of x-ray imaging equipment that the organism inside the casket found in the chalk is alive. Our equipment has revealed a large pulsating muscle about one meter across. The organism is now in a stable condition and is functioning with a regular rhythmic action. Our tests show that the massive electric shocks caused by extreme power surges acted like a giant defibrillator and stimulated the muscle into life. What we have uncovered here is the Beating Heart Of Charlton Athletic”.

Spontaneous applause broke out from the assembled Addicks including Chairman Murray who said “This news is just what we needed to hear. For a while now, many of us felt something was missing, but couldn’t figure out what it was. We’re now very aware of what was nearly lost and we look on this as a fresh opportunity for the club to move forward into the future with a new strength and purpose”.
Minty confirmed that the site area will stay accessible and be part of future Valley tours as a permanent reminder to visitors what Charlton Athletic is all about.

We Shall Not Be Moved

Recent bizarre events surrounding the excavations under the East Terrace are beginning to question the wisdom of attempting to remove the “casket or ark like container” recently uncovered during building work for the Jubilee Line extension. Last night, much of SE7 was again, plunged into darkness as fresh attempts were made to extricate the relic from it’s surrounding chalk.
Speciality high powered drilling equipment had been used in an attempt to remove the chalk from around the casket but when the equipment was activated, the local power supply experienced a massive drain which blew out sub-stations across the Charlton area. At the same time the casket or ark - which is the size of a large old-fashioned safe - started to pulsate and glow. Workers had to be evacuated from the scene as the heat became unbearable.
One worker had to be rescued by his colleagues as his protective suit began to spontaneously burn with the heat. He said “It was the most scariest thing I’ve ever experienced. First the lights began to flicker and dim and then that awful throbbing vibration which was deafening… Then the thing started to glow dark red…. The heat was unbelievable”.
Plans to open the casket have been put on hold as there is no apparent opening or way inside and the material is too hard to be cut by conventional means. Several of the on-site scientists - who are focusing on trying to determine the contents using x-ray and imaging equipment - have had to be treated by medics for hallucination type disorders, with some of them refusing to re-enter the site.
The site foreman said later “It’s the strangest thing. Normally our equipment would easily go through this chalk. It’s almost as if the thing doesn’t want to be moved”…
A comment from the club’s new laundry lady Doris Hasselbaink (no relation), summed up the views of many of the locals and bystanders when she said…“There’s folk round these ‘ere parts that ain’t happy ‘bout what’s going on. There’s things in this universe that should be left well alone. Them folks is meddling with powerful Unknown Forces….”

-to be continued.

Ancient Relic Uncovered

These are exciting times down at the Valley with an intriguing discovery that has attracted massive press interest and droves of Archaeologists descending on the famous Floyd Road site.

Speculation and rumour surround an unusual find in the building work underneath the giant East Stand terrace in the old chalk labyrinths. These long abandoned workings are being enlarged to provide an access tunnel for excavation of the Jubilee Line tube extension to the new Charlton station at Harvey Gardens.
Work on the tunnel was halted earlier when workmen found their digging equipment failed and was rendered useless against the impenetrable sides of a “casket-style container” encased in the ancient chalk.
According to eye witness reports, the cramped working conditions are said to be very difficult with high dust levels causing poor visibility and the hot, stale air around the casket requires breathing apparatus for those working in the vicinity .
Attempts are being made to remove the casket, which is currently being examined by experts from the British Museum who specialise in historical relics and ancient artefacts.
Once the casket has been extricated from the surrounding chalk, it will be placed for examination, in a now empty room at the Valley which used to house Jimmy Floyd’s shorts.
It is thought the experts will be using the latest imaging equipment to try and determine the age and contents of the casket prior to any attempts to open…..

- to be continued.