Swing With The Pampas

It's come to light (via another organ of our blogging fraternity..believed to be known as a certain Mr F. Valley) that Pampas Grass is now the favoured shrub of Swingers. As a result of this article, Homebase has been inundated with orders and has had to re-order using their Business Plan for 2008/9.

B&Q are now unveiling their new Dogging shrub range for Autumn/Spring 2008.

Three Points As Well

My mate said "What ? Bloggers all getting together? What about their loss of anonimity?" Well I said, sharp as a button, no problem see... they can all remain totally anonymous if they want or stay "in character" i..e carry on being miserable, carping and grumpy, so nothing changes..!

(For those of you who haven't yet been to a Leg End lunch, and especially for those of a certain age, the price is worth it just to see the view of the stadium through the plate glass .. )

Monocles Rocket !

Sales of CAFC's high-performance monocles* have been soaring in the Valley Superstore since the recent news that the Great Gary L Himself was to make an appearance in the Valley before the Leicester City home game. Sorry fans didn't I tell you ? Gary's already busy. Here's the email from his agent

Rick,Unfortunately Gary is already committed on the 22nd September and unable totake on your event.Regards,Jonathan

Come on Gary ! while you're up there wining and dining with the muppetts and puppets don't forget the little guys (including your club) struggling to make it to that big greasy media savvy table . Don't ever forget your root's me old son..

* As worn and recommended by the West stand toffs. The metal frame used in the manufacture of these items is reputed to be tougher than that mined for Robin Trower's whah-whah pedals.

Fans Applaud New Look MoTD

Fans bombarded the BBC switchboard last night showering them with praise for the new exciting MoTD 07-08 season presentation . The new look Alan Hansen has been a particular hit with the fans with the old fashioned '70s Captain Scarlett being dramatically replaced with the new '80s style Action Man. A spokesman for ther BBC technical dept says "we're very pleased with the result of all the guys work during the spring and summer. It was felt that the image portrayed needed to be updated and this has been achieved most successfully".

Next in line for a mid-season makeover is Gary Lineker who it's understood will be re-engineered in the mould of '80s Miami Vice star Crockett.

Never mind, it's only Stoke.

Well guys we never thought it would be that easy did we ? Bloody annoying though, especially when we see Gentleman Darren scoring for the spuds. As a diversion check this IMovie out http://zeitgeistmovie.com/. Found it on the Dilbert Cartoon site http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/ so it's kosher and won't blow up your software (yet...) .Yes it's another conspiracy stream of concienceness but it's great fun.

Actually it's all been figured out by yours truly. It IS a Conspiracy.... A Conspiracy by the Big 3 computer manufacturers to get us to dig deep and buy some new computers...!

(Just seen the Typhoon Euro fighter blasting the sky at Eastbourne Airborne. Wouldn't want to be a Tin-Pot Dictator with that thing heading my way )

Some Things Never Change - The Two Old Farts - A Brand New Season in the Upper North.

The Two Old Farts are based on - well two old farts - who manage to bring everyone down around them and never know when to shut up. The scenario below comes from last season but it won't be long ...

Look at 'em lazy sods ! I paid good money for this.. You’re not fit to wear the shirt…What do you reckon Stats, that mid-fielder looks rubbish to me eh? …I can’t see that new bloke scoring in a month of Sundays….yeah we’re stuck here all right…..”

[At the end of the first-half..]
“Booo….you’re rubbish ….this manager should resign…the whole team is a disgrace…the Chairman should resign…..the bar staff should resign...Sparrows Lane ground staff should resign... Last time I ever come here Walt…what about you ? ….I‘m tearing up my season ticket ..(Muffled cheers from the seats around them) …not wasting my time here anymore…!

[At the end of the game - Charlton win ]

“Should have won 5-0.… they were lucky to win at all if you ask me…...Still staying down though….lucky the other lot were rubbish eh?…see you next game then, can’t wait“.

At this point a crazed Addick from the seat in front of them, unable to take any more, turns round to the two whingers and with wild eyes and flecks of spit around his mouth, yells a string of home truths at the two men and is promptly seized by the Stewards and banned for the rest of the season.

So Who Are Yerr ????

Well here it is ....I'm happy ..well sort of, but why is it when I go through the fixtures on the CAFC site I find myself reaching for the Prozac ? It's like the Championship is some sort of bare knuckle knock out fair crowd attraction, before a couple of the lucky contenders get to play with the Big-Boys up top. When you think about it, the Premiereship is only there to serve the interest of the 5 or 6 evergreen Top clubs. the rest of them and maybe us, are just cannon fodder. How depressing's that ?
As one's eyes shift miserably down the list of fixtures revealing such enticing place names - you know know who you are ! - It's about time for some of us Hooray Henrys and Champagne Charlies to come to terms with the fact we are meeting some of the toughest bastards in the beautiful game...
First game of the season ?....Scunthorpe.......Scunthorpe now there's a name to conjour with ! It's often asked who DID put the "C" in Scunthorpe. Well to be frank (who I'm not Frankie, but enjoy Camber) I don't care who put the "C" in Scunthorpe. In fact I'm quite partial to a bit meeself ! Goes down really nice.....mmm..slurp.

So forget all that terrace rousing to all those Scunners (is that the rite nickname ?) Who Are Yerr ????? Bout time us Charlton mob started asking who are we..?? ..Now we're down there with that lot. In fact as my son pointed out to me today and I quote "Yeah, Dad, not a great deal to look forward to, I think Charlton will be the biggest scalp in the division which could cause problems. ?"

Hear that warriors "the biggest scalp". He's rite you know , the Championship is a motley and ugly crew and we are the biggest scalp..who'd have thought it eh ?. Little Old Charlton.