Friday, 30 March 2007

Charlton vs. Wigan

Tomorrows game we will win because NOW WE HAVE CHARACTER. Character is what gets results. We've seen it in the past with those heartstopping play-offs - remember the Leeds away in extra time with Lennie's never say die Charlton and a resilient Peter Shirtliffe ?
It was character that got us through the now famous Super Clive Wembley final with Curbs and it will be the new steely character from Alan Pardew that will both win tomorrow and lift us out of relegation.No doubt about it... come on you Reds!

Delays for new FA project

An unforseen accident has caused a set-back to a joint project driven by the FA and controversial record producer Ozzie “Fat” Tony who was hurt in a street accident yesterday.( Mr Tony is best known for his involvement in the missing Spinal Tap "Odyssey" tapes scandal,for which he was recently cleared by a grand jury.)
Ozzie had recently flown in from his home in Los Angeles to mastermind the upcoming production of a new compilation album "Music to Eat Pies By" , a joint project with the FA Entertainments Division,specifically targetting the half-time and catering entertainment in UK football stadiums including the new Wembley flagship.
Featured artists include Leonard Cohen, U2, Bob Geldof, Morrissey and Ken Dodd (with hilarious background material from Steve “great show“ Wright).
Latest reports indicate that Ozzie met with the accident while leaving his West End hotel. Eye witnesses say he was busy laughing with his accountant when he stepped off the kerb, forgetting the traffic was driving on the left and fell under a bus.
Luckily his injuries are not thought to be life threatening due to the protection provided under his suit by several layers of stock bonds and large denomination bank-notes although the bus is reported to be a write-off.
Ozzie will be have to be hospitalised for the forseable future but he is expected to make a full recovery given time. From his bedside in the D’Owee Private Clinic, in a rare bedside interview he is reported as saying quote "I just wanna get out of these bandages so I can move forward with the FA’s album which I personally regard as the most significant piece of I have ever undertaken" .
A spokesman for the FA said “ We’re very excited that we at the FA have been able to give Mr Tony huge amounts of cash for something that an English producer would have been able to do for a fraction of the cost. This goes to show what a progressive world-class organisation we have now become and further illustrates the value of our Special relationship. Unfortunately Ozzie’s accident will now delay the release of this exciting new product until the summer break. At this point in time I am unable to give you the precise year of the summer break“.

Thursday, 29 March 2007

Valley Riot War Zone Shock Horror

Today,…..,as shocked and stunned spectators stand around Floyd Road looking at the ashes of what was once, a model football stadium of the 21st century the truth is slowly dawning on the folly of what happened here last night.

As we get more of a picture of the truly terrible events of last night it is becoming increasingly clear that all attempts at democracy have failed miserably. Now over to our man standing in the rain without an umbrella just for visual effect.

“Well viewers I’m standing here with a shocked and stunned Reg. Mr Reg can you explain how this awful tragedy happened ?”
“Well Brian, basically it was an evening of two halves. Everything was going well until one or two of the blogger insurgents started enjoying the Bulgarian cava to excess. There had already been some murmurings of disquiet over the quality of the sandwiches but these were quickly dealt with by Security.
I was in the middle of explaining to this Mr Valley fellow why we have logistical problems over the temperature of the meat pies when a projectile - later confirmed as a home-made cheese and pickle sandwich- flew across the room, landing in the Special Golden Punch prepared earlier by the cleaning staff. Pandemonium broke out instantly with scenes of horror I can’t begin to describe. Mrs Reg had to be restrained after several Security staff sustained cuts and bruises ”

In the burnt out remains of the boardroom bunker, one question remains. Will there ever be another bloggers forum or is this club, known for it’s great historical past and tenacity in the face of misfortune, incapable of emerging from this dark episode of sectarian petulance?

The final word comes from Mrs Monica Overall, Head Cleaning Operative who says:
“It’s all the fault of that Bulgarian cava. It turns men into monsters. I saw things last night that a woman of my years should never see. Next time they should stick to that Algerian red. Lovely stuff.. my Mr Overall, he loves it….turns him into a real man.. know what I mean? Anyway can't stand around here chatting. Got to clean up this mess before Saturday afternoon, some rugby club turning up".

Tuesday, 27 March 2007

From the Guvnor's desk

What a busy time. Spent most it making sure the Boardroom was ready for that so-called bloggers forum. Got the Boardroom table looking good though. Mrs Reg was out first thing with the Pledge and it hasn’t looked this good since we had that Monica fella in for his second interview. Remember thinking at the time, bit of an odd sort of cove, kept disappearing out on the roof with his mobile.
Anyway we’re all primed for that in-depth probing. Young Pards approached the chair asking if we could have special dispensation and break out the Bulgarian-cava. Gave him short shrift I can tell you ! Saving that for Sir Alex’s visit next season (have to keep up the confidence levels don'tcha know).Told him they could have that Lidls crème-de-menthe left behind by Millsey. Not sure about the prawn sandwiches either. Mrs Reg says it’s cheese and pickle and Pringles .
Took Mrs Reg over to the Mintys last night for one of their continental-style evenings and ate excellent party- size reformed chicken kievs washed down with a very aggressive Algerian red. Minty seems worried about some of the difficult questions the bloggers may ask. Seems to think we need a moderator to field the awkward ones. St Michael says he’ll try and get Jim Davidson for some celebrity glamour, told him not to bother (Mrs Reg finds him too left-wing) as the bloggers probably only want to winge and go on about lack of silverware, the weak beer and cold pies . Anything difficult we can say it’s Company Confidential eh ? Or there’s always the tilting trapdoors if things get tricky. Must have a word with Derek in maintenance, make sure they’re oiled-up and ready.
Woke up in a nightmare sweat the other night. Dreamt Minty beat me to the executive parking space and I had to give some eastern European chappies £2 to mind the roller. Phew..thank goodness it was just a dream. Also keep noticing some shabby dressed chap hanging around the car park. Nearly swiped him with the roller the other day. Looks just like that Lou Reed chap, always going on about the Prozac Zone or something. Must have a word with Security. Cheers! Down the hatch !

Free Web Counters
South Beach Diet Recipes