Thursday, 26 April 2007

Conspiracy Theory 2

Today the Valley was mired in a baffling drama concerning the whereabouts of the club’s clairvoyant and soothsayer Mystic Monica.
With just two days to go before an all important “must win” fixture the press had gathered at the Valley for the all important “reading of the stones” by Monica where she would have told - with spooky accuracy- the result of the upcoming Saturday fixture. Gasps and mutterings were heard around the room as Minty Murray made the shock announcement that there would be no reading today as Monica has “gone missing”.
Police are pursuing several leads in an effort to explain the disappearance of this much loved psychic, often seen sitting in her shopping trolley exchanging friendly banter with passers by outside the Lidls food store. It’s understood that she was last seen being roughly escorted on to a Valley Express coach driven by Reg “the Driver” Varney as part of a special, no expense spared, evening planned by Alan Pardew at the Savoy for the players to “fill their boots” prior to their trip up North.
Police are also focusing their enquiries in the Blackburn, Lancashire area where there have been reports of a discarded shopping trolley near to one of four thousand holes. Police are refusing to say which one of the four thousand holes is under investigation but assure the public that they are looking into it.

Tuesday, 24 April 2007

Addicks swoop for ZZ

In a surprise move last night it was revealed that the board has approved the funds to buy this exciting addition to the Charlton squad.
In an interview at the Valley with Reg Varney he released the following Press announcement to the media ..
“ Following on from last Saturdays’ success of Bjorn Again, the board has decided to offer a one year contract to ZZ. With the Championship now almost within our grasp it’s important that we bolster the squad to give ourselves the best possible chance of securing that Championship place. These lads can play in any position on the park and will provide an extra dimension to the squad. In addition, during some our next season’s home fixtures including those with Hull and Burnley we are planning to keep them playing on the pitch for the full 90 minutes which we feel will be more entertaining for the fans”.

Sunday, 22 April 2007

Oh Well

It hurts to say it but….they’re just not good enough are they ? Others who know more about the game have already said what's wrong so no point in me harping on. But what about the successes of yesterday ?
What a winner in the Legends restaurant! The way the team passed the courses ..absolute valley gold. A nice shimmy between the kitchen and tables resulted in a perfect delivery of the main course (delicious by the way) followed by a one-two of surgical accuracy between the clearing squad and the waiters resulted in a well placed pudding and the coffee providing the perfect finish.
Nice to see Reg down on the touch line for the beginning of the afternoon. No Baron in the Balcony for him. This must all be doubly difficult for him.

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