Your Valley Stars - By Mystic Monica, the club's Clairvoyant up on the roof.

Where one chooses to sit at the Valley gives a true insight into your personality. Here Mystic Monica switches off the hands-free, to unravel the mysteries of why we sit where we do…

West Stand: You have a strong dislike of windy weather and are unduly concerned about the way the predominant westerlies can interfere with elaborate comb-over hairstyles . Favourite food & drink - Prawn sandwiches and Algerian red.

East Stand: You have an unnatural feeling of believing you are somewhere else - perhaps watching football in a parallel universe. Unfortunately you are designated non-breathing and have to be transported to the match by Fed Ex and propped up in your seats by Stewards. Favourite food & drink - Hot Logs and Old Valley Golden Peculiar.

North Stand: To the Psychic Astrologer this stand presents a real challenge to my psychic powers as there are two distinct aspects to this end. Your love of music and singing shows here, where the aggressive choral strains of Valley Floyd Road can often be heard. However another aspect shows itself in an ability to whinge uncontrollably without much provocation and a tendency to exhibit wild and extreme behaviour under duress . Favourite food & drink - any raw meat and Export Strength Bulgarian cava ( now banned within the Valley perimeter)

South Stand : I foresee a long and difficult journey ahead of you. You will not be travelling alone. Favourite food & Drink - Humble Pie and Bitter.